Why Pledging Sucks

Hell Week

Well, you know a week of your life is going to be pretty shitty when it’s titled “Hell Week". And no, this isn’t one of those play-on-words where the actual event is completely opposite of what was first described. Hell week might be the most painful, challenging and fucked-up weeks of your life. This is not an exaggeration. The worst of the worst involves a weeklong sleepover at the frat house: starvation, pain, misery and humiliation. If you’re lucky, they’ll let you go to class. As soon as that bell rings, you better get your ass back to the house for continued beat-downs.

Memorization

If you’re a pledge, then most likely school doesn’t mean shit to you. I mean, you might be smart and all, but you’re pledging a fucking frat for a reason: to get shit faced and laid on a daily basis. That’s just the reason why pledging sucks so much. You have to memorize so much goddamn shit it’s not even funny. You thought fraternities didn’t give a fuck about school. Well doesn’t that suck; you’ve inherited a 10-credit course called Pledgeship. It might actually teach you a thing or two about studying. Studying... ever heard of it? You will now.

Designated (insert item here) Driver

Dip, cigarettes, toilet paper, beer, Checkers, liquor, girlfriend… They want it, you gotta get it. Now if there’s one thing (and one thing only) that any traditional parent would approve of—it’s the fact that frats encompass built-in anti-drunk-driving protection. Pledges make the world just so much better. But you better believe pledge-driving blows. Usually a couple hours long, driving can last from 7pm to 5am. You run shifts, write a schedule, blow hundreds of bucks in gas money and get your car fucked with. Life’s a joy. You’ve worked your ass off all day, are about to pass out, have an exam the next morning and you haven’t studied.

Cock-Blocked

Your ideal slampiece walks across the room. You grab two drinks, and work your way through the crowd to make a move. The good old days would be hitting on the sorostitutes with a drink in-hand but pledgeship is central cock-block central. Where should I start? Your clothes scream pledge all over them. Next problem; you can’t drink, you’re driving tonight. Lastly, no matter how close you are to closing that ideal, drunk blonde, a brother won’t hesitate to jump on in. It doesn’t take much, a mere look of hatred, or a text that reads “fuck off she’s mine”. A brother has first rights on all women, and a pledge would get his shit rocked for even attempting the sloppy-seconds. As a pledge, cock-blocking is just another form of hazing.

Anti-Bromance

If you’ve ever spent a lengthy vacation with a buddy or two, you know how it goes. The guys you’ve loved for years can become major jackasses, and it doesn’t take long for you to want to rip their heads off. Here comes pledging, the age-old vacation of first-year college boys. Whether stuck with 30 post-pubescent, horny, testosterone junkies in the fall, or a smaller 15 cocky, egotistical alcoholics in the spring, there comes a point when you hit the wall. After 12 weeks with the same group of guys, you fucking hate them. Unity is stressed all throughout pledgeship; you want take unity and shove it up your pledge brother’s ass.